I just wanted to write about the worst experience of my life thus far. Perhaps in the future I will set this to published so that everyone can read it. But for now it will be private.

On the night we brought my father into the hospital, after he was having problems breathing, I had the most emotionally destructive moment of my life. I thought I had felt pain in the past, but the heartache of a relationship broken does not compare. My father was struggling to breathe with the respirator in his mouth. He wasn't very sedated due to extremely low blood pressure. I was there with my Mom, Kristi, and Dana. Kristi just stepped out for a moment when my father looked at me, then at Dana, and waved. My mom said to Dana that he's waving "hi". My father shook his head no, and my mother asked if he was waving goodbye. He slowly nodded. There is not a worse feeling in the entire world.

We don't want to give up hope, but we don't want to see him in pain. Even now, 24 hours later I still wonder if he was saying he's too tired to continue the fight. He's fought so hard for so long. I'm sure he's tired. I just pray he is free of pain.